I want someone to share in my experiences and bring new experiences into my life.
A partner in time.
And I don’t have that.
What I have is a maid.
A person who takes care for rote chores and cooks our food.
Most people would be happy with this, but I’m not.
I have a person who lives a private life and doesn’t share in my experiences.
A person who shares space, but not time.
She’s just another person in my life.
However, she relies on me.
She relies on me to meet new people, to schedule events and plan trips.
Sharing in a person’s intimate life is a big ask, no doubt.
It’s not something you just walk in and buy off the shelf so to speak.
Having this kind of relationship takes years of committed effort.
I’m in, she’s not.
She wants to cook meals and go to be by 10pm.
Sure, she works, but it’s not a career.
Her idea of commitment is showing up every day.
It’s hard to accept someone who has totally different goals than me.
I didn’t get here without trying to make things better.
I have explained my position and presented what I need from her to make improvements.
But she’s not interested.
She doesn’t understand why I want these things.
Here goals are different.
She can’t explain them.
I’m not sure what to do.
This is affecting our family, our kids, our team.
They are going to create their own perspective and needs based on what they see from us.
It’s not my immediate experiencial failure that will haunt me, but how my kids will fail because of our example.